you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
