i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
