my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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