Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
