The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
