Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
