The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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