Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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