I want to stick my p in your. b.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
