I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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