Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
