In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
please come you make the beer taste better
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
