Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
