Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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