I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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