just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
