Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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