Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
