i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
