i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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