you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
