So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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