youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
