My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
