Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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