Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
