the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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