I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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