dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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