I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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