Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I pour the whiskey from now on
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
