I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
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On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
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I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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