no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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