i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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