is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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