so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
