Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
