So drunk its hurt
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
