They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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