I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We are all done wearing pants today
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
