i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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