You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
