i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
