If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
