Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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