i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
