I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
