guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
