Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
