I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
