so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
