my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
