i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
