After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
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