Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
