the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
