She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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