he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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