I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
