3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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