Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm at about main and main street
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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