Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
