is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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