The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize