Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
