Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
