Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
