i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
