I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
